Going for the Gold

I love the Olympics. Not like the average person, but like a lonely house wife loves a good Harlequin novel. (or those stupid vampire books.) I find myself watching woman's rowing at 2am. I don't like woman's rowing or 2am. But they get you all hooked in by telling you about the athletes..."yes Bob, and did you know that when she was young she had a strange mix of polio & palsy?"

"Well we may see in a minute, Jim how she's over come all that to become the best the world has to offer in boat full of who-gives-an-ore."

That's enough to suck me in.

What I hate is when they sat the stupid stuff:

*He's going for the gold Bob

Really, really Jim? Are you sure he's not here for 5th or 6th maybe a good summer trip.

*She's going to give it her all!!!!

No Bob, from what I hear she's saving a little for the after metals banquet.

You know what I mean? Please comment back with some of your fav. stupid commentator comments.

WARNING

You know how on a rear view mirror it says "objects may appear closer than they are" or something like that? Why doesn't the other whole in the sink say that there is a pretty good chance that when you turn on the dispos-all it's going to huck a pound and a half of nastiness at you?
This mesage is brought to you by Resent Experience.

How old are you?

Age is a funny little thing isn't it? Relative and exact. I am exactly 31 years old (a couple of months & a few days). But I'm starting collage, thinking of getting a part time job and really pitching in around the house. I'm 18!
When people in the youngest 1/3 of life are years behind we call them retarded. However, those of us in the 2nd 1/3 of life are young at heart. (I like to think.)
That means that when my wife married me 8 years ago...I was 10...SICKO!

I'm Back

O.K. o.k. My fans have spoken, and I must write. I feel like Stephenie Meyer at 3 1/2 books. When I see Random House on the caller I.D. ...I just don't even answer. But then it came, the inspiration that is. I was watching the X Games (the Olympics of extreme sports). Some crazy man on a little boys bike came flying down a 7 story wooden ramp then up a shorter steeper ramp. Which as you can imagine sent him in to the air. 70 feet though the air. During which he took the opportunity to do a back flip. On his bike. In the air. I was amazed. The announcers conveyed disappointment as did the crowd. This semi-suicidal trick is apparently dated. DATED!...IT'S A 70 FOOT BACK FLIP...ON A BIKE! I didn't understand.

Last night I took my kids to a city park where they showed "The Three Amigos" and it suddenly clicked...sometimes the things we thought were great in the past aren't all that great. Sorry Dusty Bottoms.

Fashion Victim

We have all paid too much for clothes because they're cool. Thats o.k. We felt cool. Thats a feeling money can buy. So I say buy it. Your not a victim your cool man, just look at those clothes.

The real victim is not the person who whears the pants, it the one who has to wash them. I have a 7 year old boy. He likes rocks & gum(sometimes not his own). My hands don't fit in size 7 extra mini-mini-pockets.

I almost didn't have time to make this post 'cause I had 2 pair of pants & a pair of shorts to wash.

p.s. I got this pic from a very strange (but safe) blog. http://eh-drian.blogspot.com/

The Walmart King

There are some of us (I guess) that find our happy place inside the beautiful blue and white walls of Wal-mart. Hi my name is Blaine and I'm addicted to very shiny floors and roll-back-prices. Really it's not the prices or the floors. (but they are very shiny) It's the new motion sensitive lights they have in the freezer isles.
So there I was, it was late, I was feeling vulnerable. I took a hard left toward the rocky road & slow churned moose tracks. But with every step I took the freezers lights came on to my left & right. The further I entered the isle the more lights came on. I didn't stop at the rocky road. I passed right by the moose tracks. In fact, by the time I made it to the Popsicles, the whole row was lite up & I was running with my arms stretched over my head like a victorious warrior.
WOW! What a pick-me-up!

The British are comming!!!

I understand the need we have felt for years to have ethnic diversity in adds, T.V. shows and movies. Its good. We always include one of every race, sexual preference & at least 1 person in a wheel chair (maybe a midget).

I for one am glad we do. Living in the heart of northern Utah if it weren't for this media driven diversity I may look like my children do when they see someone who isn't "lilly white". You know, mouth slightly open, head caulked to the side, squinty confused eyes.

What I don't understand is why we can't seem to have a successful reality show without the host or at least one judge having a super thick super posh English accent. We don't owe them anything, & truthfully, most of them seem kinda rude.